Wisdom

Honestly, try to look back, the law of logic seems does not govern in some part of life. Or I guess logic is just a simple set of rule that people invent to simplify things in their life, yet not.

I was a boy that really had a problem with handling logic. For example I didn’t understand why bicycle would be invented before aircraft, I childishly thought that the other way around. Common sense was a least understood subject when I was thinking.

However, through painstaking education and long amount of time spent to undermine my innocence, I lost and become ordinary as every adult is. Yet the more I discover the less I understand. The more I seek the blurrer my see. Then I learnt that there is a thin membrane divides wisdom and knowledge. So thin that I can’t see it at all…yet I know it’s there.

The is a saying

“Knowledge is a proud that you know so much, Wisdom is humble that you know no more“.

It is not as simple as it sounds. At times, pride is humility and humility may bear the greatest pride of them all. As in knowledge is wisdom, yet knowledge never guarantee to bear wisdom.

The Story

There is a story of a curious determined boy who strolled on a sandy beach and found a small pit on the ground that filled with water. He tasted the water in it and found out it’s salty. He told himself that he would like to dried it out so that he could filled it with a good fresh water. With all the will in the world he started to remove the water using his palm. He finished up to the last drop of water in it. He came back with a bottle and poured out all into the small pit. He did it until it full with fresh water.

The next morning he woke up and rushed to the small water storage he made and drink the water. He was shocked. The water turned salty again. He repeat the routine, draining and filling the pit again and again for few days until he stopped and contemplated. What if he just drain it dry and let it be for a night.

The next morning he strode nervously toward his new experiment. The pit full of salt water. At that moment he in all sudden and awe listen to the rhythm of the sea. He opened his eyes slowly and turn around him and saw for the first time the beauty of wide and endless sea in front of him. He could smell the thick salty air around him. Moisture on his skin seemed drained out to the thickness of the atmosphere.

Now he understood something, he understood everything and everything seemed so crystal clear yet he understood nothing at all. He’s been a fool all along. Foolish enough to do what he did yet wise enough to stop.

“Wit beyond measure is man greatest treasure”

Wit beyond measure is because it’s nothing. We can’t measure nothingness. Measurement is for something not nothing. That’s why the more we look for it, it come back to nothingness again and again and again.

I found out that even if I learn everything I have learn nothing, even if I become the first I will be the last, even if I keep going on and on I will never found the end.

I wonder at how foolish I am for coveting what I don’t own, for struggle my self out of misery yet I found all the misery I wish I never had, for not letting go what I never grasp, for lying a lie that is never told, for dying when life is at its fullest, for crying when happiness is in everything.

I am a fool.

*After 2 years and 2 months I finally reformatted my laptop*

“Sweet Dessert”

I have a habit. When ever I go to any shopping complex I always look for bookshops. It is a must for me to at least enter for a few seconds and go out again. I just have this habit for quite sometime now.

I rarely buy anything even though I spend most of my time in the bookshop. I found peace looking at hundreds or thousands of books lying neatly on the shelves. I love reading the titles and find some funny titles.

Last week was a bit different. I actually bought a novel. Thinking back, I am jealous with my brother. He has a lots of novels and he read them all. I was looking for a title when I went to the bookshop but then after the keeper checked, the title was not in the record. Then I decided to pick any novel.

The Known World

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“The strong shall live and the weak shall die. That’s the natural order of things. I can’t understand why you have to help the weak, weak people are irrelevant. Shishio made me realize that the strong should live. He taught me to kill the weak and be aware of the strong people. Shishio gave me a sword, and if not for that sword I wouldn’t be alive today. He also made me realize that I don’t have a choice. If I don’t kill them, they’ll kill me. But the truth is, I never really wanted to kill anybody” - Soujiro Seta

This quotes is taken from anime series Rurouni Kenshin (or Kenshin the Wanderer). Soujiro is basically a young sword genius raised by a skewed master, Shishio which was a manslayer. In comparison, the protoganist, the former manslayer, Kenshin was a sword genius which raised by a master who embrace Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu, a sword style that protects people rather than just to kill.

One person was raised by a just person on the other hand by a demon. Soujiro couldn’t discern the meaning of protect because he has been “brain-washed” by the “Strong shall live and weak shall die” instilled deeply into him by his master. He reduced from become a human. He became like a heartless animal with no good judgement and heart.

In contrast, Kenshin which was a pacifist vowed to never kill anymore for what ever reason. Vowed to use his sword only to protect. His sword was a special sword with reverse blade. Means that the sword won’t cut unless he reverse it.

After winning the battle with Shishio’s group Kenshin said

“Shishio’s logic dictates that the winner of a battle, in other words, the strong, is always correct, that it does. If the truth could be discovered by winning one or two battles, then we’d all go through life without ever being wrong. A person’s life isn’t so simple a matter, that it isn’t. The true answer is something you find out yourself by how you live your life from this day forward, that it is”.

There are extreme different in both two quotes. Judge them yourself. Just to “wash my hand”, I never meant that Soujiro is wrong nor Kenshin is right, the choice for the reader to decide.

Now what am I trying to imply?

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Last few day I Plurk…and I Plurk a lot. Among many there was one conversation that touched me…It was about getting out of the shell or getting out of the comfort zone.

I would like to change the analogy of comfort zone as shell to a pit. A pit in the ground. Now imagine, when I fall into a pit and I am alone. I am of course afraid because I am alone. This is actually nothing like a sort of comfort zone or anything, this is pit. The pit is so deep that I can’t reach the top to escape. I just can see the bright light shining pale into the pit opening. Days I stare upward and keep on trying to climb the slippery sides without giving up, shouting for help.

Days turn weeks, weeks turn months, on and on. After all the falling, cuts, and injury, one day I just stop. Stop looking upward and start digging. I dig dig and dig deeper into the hard soil. I found nothing but the same soil the same pit. I shy away from looking upward any more. The idea of getting out is getting distant. Although sometime the shadows of people passing fall into the pit but hope has gone scarce.

Then up to a point, everything just stop, grinding to a halt. I sit idle. In complete idle. Then I lay there until I feel no breath any more to breath. Then it end.

What if… during the struggle…it happen to be someone realise that I am inside the pit calling for help. That particular someone cares and wants to help. And what if that someone helps. That someone doesn’t need to go down here and piggyback me outside. That someone just need to pull me using rope. What if…

Then things would be totally different. What I am saying is sometime it is not a comfort zone…it is not a shell…not a protective shell that keeps the outside world but it is a deep pit that one can only escape if someone from the outside helps. For the person on the outside…wouldn’t understand what it feel to be falling into the pit. It is rather a lonely experience and a painful one.

So when the falling person has stop hoping and stop struggling, that person will never go out again…

When I was in Kolej (KTDTHB), this song was really popular. It was like on everybody’s lips. The rhythm was just everywhere to find. However I myself have not really read the lyric or the words in the song. One of the reason was because my english wasn’t really good.

Recently I double clicked the mp3 in my laptop and listen to the song. Then, suddenly it touches me. I understood the meaning. I understood what the song try to convey to me as listener. Moreover I am eager to find something meaningful for me on the meantime. Every words seem so meaningful suddenly.

I am looking for that something. How about you?

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Everybody’s looking for that something
One thing that makes it all complete
You’ll find it in the strangest places
Places you never knew it could be

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“Just a little bit more”, you told yourself. Even how hard it is just a little bit more would do. You want to keep on moving forward. Your eyes become blurry and you steps become wobbly. You can’t even swing your hand properly. Despite, “Just a little bit more”, you cried in your heart.

It is like running in a very long distant race. Your mind already knew that they are fixed finishing line. Yet when you run and run and keep on running the finishing line seems so far unreachable. Still, you believe that the finishing line is there waiting for you.
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It is a small red notebook I keep since a long time ago. Only a few first pages are written with something. It was actually to keep record of some memorable inspirational thoughts from one of my favourite lecturer. Originally it was in Malay. I will “Englisify” them and add more salts and spices.

Planting seeds

“Reap what we sow” it is an old saying. Growing little seeds isn’t a work of a day or two. It certainly takes time to see some significant result. On the first day we put seeds onto the soil. Then we water them everyday. Even when there seems nothing happen to the seeds we keep on watering them and keep the pests away. Until…without we even realize it, the seeds has turned into a small vulnerable plant with soft and green leaves. However it doesn’t end there. We nurture them to a well age.

What if we just gave up on the first few days or leave them vulnerable just after they began to have leaves and roots? What if? But we never did that aren’t we?