Easel

(Finally I fixed my blog…I can’t log in to the admin site for some reason….)

If nobody is insignificant then will somebody be? Am I a nobody or a somebody?

When I see… why did I felt something that I shouldn’t feel. Who am I to feel what I felt? For I am nobody.

For I never have been somebody. Or… the value of this “me” is actually just a fuzzy imagination created by this same “me”.

Till the end it will always just this “me” and this “me” alone. Thanks for that.

Another Patheticological post….

Battle for this city has lost. Now I need to leave. I will be in exile in a long time. How many cities do I need to lose in my life time. I don’t have much cities to defend left. I don’t like to imagine all I have left taken by the enemies troops. In the end I will be a forgotten king in a piece of land I once founded. But let the time decide what should I do when the time come. But for now, I need to leave. Leaving all the belongings behind. I wish one day I would come back and claim the lands I once lost.

I can’t continue guessing
Because it’s only messing
With my pride, and my mind
So write down this time to time

“Don’t love me for fun, girl
Let me be the one, girl
Love Me For a Reason
Let the reason be love“

to start is hard
to persist is harder
to end is the hardest

I went to a place I never been
a situation I never imagine
seeing faces I never seen
learning with full of keen

but am I too late?
playing with heaven and fate
accepting what’re written and said
hoping what I give is what I get

if only I were the first to come
holding your hand then and times to come
if only that has never gone
you’ll be safely in my arm

a little too much for me to ask
to say this truthfully I must
me and my heart is now steadfast
to love and to have you in the last

The more I want to avoid thinking of it, the more I will think of it. And when I start thinking of it, I stuck. I won’t be able to do my job. I start blogging.

Why should I be jealous when I shouldn’t be? Why can’t I just tell my heart what to feel? Tell my mind what to think and what not.

What is this journey going to teach me this time? Everyday is a lesson. It’s just I am willing to except the truth behind the lesson or not.

All my life I have been a loser….why should I give up this time…or deep in my fabric of nature…I am a winner. A winner that lose too much.

Now I want to win something in my life. The chances are slim…or actually don’t even exist. But I don’t take chances…I just try. By myself and do what I always do.

Seriously….If love has never been my friend…and friend will never be my love….why should I bother?

Not surrounded by thousands armies
Not a castle without a moat
Not a city under a siege
Not a war without a thought

An unknown waiting of unknown end
intangible battle untouchable by hand
not of courage not of its wane
not a fight of disputed land

It is of heart and its dwelling
It is of mind’s desires of controlling
All the strength to hold them back
Struggle to keep sanity intact

To know the foe is to know myself
salvaging all the pride that left
Abate damages just to feel safe
This unrequited love is all I have

Excerp from “How to forget someone you love“…

1. Keep yourself busy with work that pays. Money, magically could cure your broken heart.
2. Do outdoor activities such as exercising and sports. Doing something that exhaust your body can get you off your mind and broken heart.
3. Find a heavy or a busy hobby like traveling or hobbies that involves a lot of thinking like making puzzles or writing theater scripts.
4. Hang around with your good friends a lot having fun doing what you like with them.

Reaction :

1. Keep busy?…..urm I am working right now and thank God that works are piling on my table
2. Outdoor? ….Not really my type but….I just don’t know how to do outdoor activities.
3. Heavy or busy hobby? ……traveling? Puzzles? Theater scripts? Programming perhaps….that would take most of my concentration….or some computer wrecking and fixing…that would take a lot of time….
4. Hang around with your good friends? Ermmm….quite impossible…I have only 1 dimension friends. I have no more friend to hang around with…

Conclusion :

1. Patheticological Disease !!!

How to forget someone you love