Love's Lair

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The day I let go…(again)

February 8, 2010 in Hateful Feelings, Love's Lair | 2 comments

As I expected, the day like today is imminent. I am fighting a losing battle. Like I always do, again today, I will need to let go again. Like Shakespeare said, “Love someone let her go”. Subconsciously, I always did that.

I never been so attached to someone so close (since school). Just enough to know what’s her favorite color, what she can drink and what can’t, what she likes to do, what she loves to do, what she hates, her childhood stories, her clothes, her shoes, her fear, and all other things those I can’t possibly remember consciously.

And today, I vowed, all those things I will put behind and let go. I have done this countless time before. I should have no problem doing this again.

As for today, things have already get complicated enough (at least for me in my heart alone). Never have I planned to get this involved in her. For I never wanted her to be more than just a (good) friend. But if only I can live with rational alone.

Looking at the bright side, throughout these “letting go” series, I have at least learn a lot of what should I do and what not to do. ‘Coz when people get excited, they prone to mistakes and so do I.

I deleted my facebook account, and….after (excruciating) 2 weeks it will gone for good.

I have seen through her and I realized, this is never about me. I don’t know how long would it takes to make me worthy of her Love (practically never). After all I am a practical person. Impossible means impossible. There’s no fuzzy logic involved here. Just simple binary operation where the answer is either “TRUE” or “FALSE”, “YES” or “NO”.

Again, looking at the bright side, at least she taught me to be happy again.

Thanks and Happy Birthday!!!. and……bye…..I’m leaving for your “imaginary Ulu Baram”.

To be or not to be…..Again….

February 4, 2010 in Love's Lair, Whimsical | No comments

Doubt thou the stars are fire;
Doubt that the sun doth move;
Doubt truth to be a liar;
But never doubt I love.

Hamlet, Act II, scene ii

To be, or not to be, — that is the question: —

Hamlet, Act III, scene i

I ask

January 25, 2010 in Love's Lair, Patheticological, Whimsical | No comments

to start is hard
to persist is harder
to end is the hardest

I went to a place I never been
a situation I never imagine
seeing faces I never seen
learning with full of keen

but am I too late?
playing with heaven and fate
accepting what’re written and said
hoping what I give is what I get

if only I were the first to come
holding your hand then and times to come
if only that has never gone
you’ll be safely in my arm

a little too much for me to ask
to say this truthfully I must
me and my heart is now steadfast
to love and to have you in the last

Everytime…

January 18, 2010 in Friendship, Love's Lair | No comments

Everything that I want to do, I will always considering in my mind to do it with you. You are the only person that I can think of that… I will be happy to do with. The only person that I can have my genuine smile. But …. I still want to do everything everytime with you. If and only if I can….so far…I have done most of things I want to do in my life with you. But….still….I want to do more things with you….

The more I want to NOT think about it….

January 14, 2010 in Hateful Feelings, Love's Lair, Patheticological | No comments

The more I want to avoid thinking of it, the more I will think of it. And when I start thinking of it, I stuck. I won’t be able to do my job. I start blogging.

Why should I be jealous when I shouldn’t be? Why can’t I just tell my heart what to feel? Tell my mind what to think and what not.

What is this journey going to teach me this time? Everyday is a lesson. It’s just I am willing to except the truth behind the lesson or not.

All my life I have been a loser….why should I give up this time…or deep in my fabric of nature…I am a winner. A winner that lose too much.

Now I want to win something in my life. The chances are slim…or actually don’t even exist. But I don’t take chances…I just try. By myself and do what I always do.

Seriously….If love has never been my friend…and friend will never be my love….why should I bother?

Fighting a losing battle

January 14, 2010 in Love's Lair, On The Easel, Patheticological, Whimsical | No comments

Not surrounded by thousands armies
Not a castle without a moat
Not a city under a siege
Not a war without a thought

An unknown waiting of unknown end
intangible battle untouchable by hand
not of courage not of its wane
not a fight of disputed land

It is of heart and its dwelling
It is of mind’s desires of controlling
All the strength to hold them back
Struggle to keep sanity intact

To know the foe is to know myself
salvaging all the pride that left
Abate damages just to feel safe
This unrequited love is all I have

Erm….Why am I reading this?

January 5, 2010 in Friendship, Hateful Feelings, Love's Lair, Patheticological | 4 comments

Excerp from “How to forget someone you love“…

  1. Keep yourself busy with work that pays. Money, magically could cure your broken heart.
  2. Do outdoor activities such as exercising and sports. Doing something that exhaust your body can get you off your mind and broken heart.
  3. Find a heavy or a busy hobby like traveling or hobbies that involves a lot of thinking like making puzzles or writing theater scripts.
  4. Hang around with your good friends a lot having fun doing what you like with them.

Reaction :

  1. Keep busy?…..urm I am working right now and thank God that works are piling on my table
  2. Outdoor? ….Not really my type but….I just don’t know how to do outdoor activities.
  3. Heavy or busy hobby? ……traveling? Puzzles? Theater scripts? Programming perhaps….that would take most of my concentration….or some computer wrecking and fixing…that would take a lot of time….
  4. Hang around with your good friends? Ermmm….quite impossible…I have only 1 dimension friends. I have no more friend to hang around with…

Conclusion :

  1. Patheticological Disease !!!

How to forget someone you love

I Think I Love You…

December 31, 2009 in Love's Lair | No comments

Sometime the rhythm of this song rings in my ears…

I THINK I
– BYUL (ENGLISH VERSION)
From FULL HOUSE OST
Credits: AsiaFinest

I refused to believe that it could be so,
there’s no way that I’m in love with you,
I lied to myself that it’s just a petty jealousy,
that I must be feeling lonely, but I cannot hide it anymore.

I think I love you
But it must be so, Cause I miss you
without you,
I cannot do anything,
and you are always on my mind,
so seeing this, it must be,
I was unaware,
but now I can see that
your presence have delved deeply into my heart.

We are not meant for each other, and being friends is the best thing for us,
there isn’t a single thing we have in common,
so I claimed there’s no way we can be lovers,
but I don’t want to make excuses anymore.

I think I love you
But it must be so, Cause I miss you
without you,
I cannot do anything,
and you are always on my mind,
so seeing this, it must be,
I was unaware,
but now I can see that
your presence have delved deeply into my heart.

why didn’t I know that it was you,
why couldn’t I see it when it was right in front of me,
it was beside me all along,
but only now can I see love.

I think I love you
But it must be so, Cause I miss you
without you,
I cannot do anything,
and you are always on my mind,
so seeing this, it must be,
I was unaware,
but now I can see that
your presence have delved deeply into my heart.

I wrote last November

December 30, 2009 in Hateful Feelings, Love's Lair, Whimsical | No comments

 

Why is it so painful?
When I know I won’t get what I want.
Why is it so hurtful?
When I expect things could never happen.
Have I not know who I meant to be?
Have I not know that it’s not going to be?
It’s not worth morning for.
Its not worth crying for.
For love have never been my friend.
And friend will never be my love.

 

 

Let me review the year that was….

December 28, 2009 in Love's Lair, On The Easel, Prayer, Whimsical, Wisdom | No comments

January -  I was just released from the prison of my own making. Left JB for good….a place that thought me too much about loneliness.Began as temporary teacher.

February -  I learned that being a teacher was never an easy task as most of people thought. I found that I will make too much mistakes if I continue. So I left again. I venture the realm of Safety and Health. Everyday was a new curious day. It was very fun.

March -  Idle was never my good friend. I did a lot of photoshoot. Everyday was fun. Partial freedom. But emptiness inside. I don’t have anything stable to do.

April -  A new beginning. There was no any other year before I started to feel this happy again. I felt total freedom and don’t feel ‘that’ depressed anymore. For the first time after my last time in Kuching I felt happy again. However there was feeling of instability at my workplace. So I geared up for backup plan.

May -  Day in and day out, month in and month out….time passed without I even realized. I developed routine…

June -  I really love the place I stayed…but ‘people’ don’t like ‘us’ so we need to find our way out. I also did something I found quite romantic…and….tiring though…but satisfying.Flowers….Stars….

July -  New place. It was a lot more freedom that I can ever imagine….we use them wisely though. I really missed every moments in that house. The house was empty but I always feel full staying inside it. A month that I will always compare in the future.

August -  The wind of change was coming. The month that made me where I am now. The news spread in the wind. And that month mark one of my happiest day in my life. I felt the glimpse of love which I never felt before. Although I know it’s just me. But I never felt as genuinely happy like that ever.

September -  Suddenly the instability vanished. The wind brought the good news. Although part of me knows that I will definitely missed the total freedom I had. Who can have them all after all. If I want one I will lose another.

October -  I know I’m going to leave. And I know every second was precious. I savor every nanosecond. I did what ever I never do. I went wherever I never go. I met anyone I never met. I was going to leave a place that teaches me so much about happiness. I left…with a price. I trade my total freedom…and happiness behind.

November -  New Beginning. Work was fun. Life was deteriorating. Lucky….I have my last source/hope of happiness around. I was frequently around it to keep myself alive.

December -  My only last source and hope of happiness is now the one that drain the life out of me. December…now I am afraid to appreciate someone too much. I will refrain myself from being too close. After all they will leave me. And like the wheel go round and round. I am now at the bottom again. Left alone. They will be happy with their own life. But I, the one that only ’suck’ life from those who close with me will die without them. But now here I am thankful that I ever had 2009 in my life because, after 3 years or so, enough of loneliness lesson, 2009 reminded me that someone who is as miserable as me actually ‘can’ feel happiness.

As new year approaching,  I have no wish. I want no millions dollars. I want no new cars. I want no new clothes. I just wish there will be a seed of happiness growing in my heart. Nothing else will matter. Because after 23 years and 10 month of breathing on my own. That’s the only thing that matters most. Being Happy.

Year In and Year Out

December 28, 2009 in Hateful Feelings, Love's Lair, Whimsical | No comments

Year in and year out
There it goes again
My heart is shattered apart
Now it lies in pain

Fluttered by the year that was
Of memories you and me
But you and I were never one
You’ve already seen someone

If dream is where I’ll have you
So dream is where my heart’ll be
But dream is only just a dream
It’s never coming through

I close my eyes I see you
So closed I thought it’s true
To lost what I have never had
Is worst than what I knew.

You’re like an Indian summer in the middle of winter

September 21, 2009 in Listen, Love's Lair, Watch | 1 comment

Thinking of You

by Katy Perry

Comparisons are easily done
Once you’ve had a taste of perfection
Like an apple hanging from a tree
I picked the ripest one, I still got the seed

You said move on, where do I go?
I guess second best is all I will know

‘Cause when I’m with him I am thinking of you
(Thinking of you, thinking of you)
Thinking of you, what you would do
If you were the one who was spending the night
(Spending the night, spending the night)
Oh, I wish that I was looking into your eyes

You’re like an Indian summer in the middle of winter
Like a hard candy with a surprise center
How do I get better once I’ve had the best?
You said there’s tons of fish in the water, so the waters I will test

He kissed my lips, I taste your mouth, oh!
(Taste your mouth)
He pulled me in, I was disgusted with myself

‘Cause when I’m with him I am thinking of you
(Thinking of you, thinking of you)
Thinking of you, what you would do
If you were the one who was spending the night
(Spending the night, spending the night)
Oh, I wish that I was looking into

You’re the best, and yes, I do regret
How I could let myself let you go
Now, now the lesson’s learned
I touched it, I was burned
Oh, I think you should know!

‘Cause when I’m with him I am thinking of you
(Thinking of you, thinking of you)
Thinking of you, what you would do
If you were the one who was spending the night
(Spending the night, spending the night)
Oh, I wish that I was looking into your, your eyes
Looking into your eyes, looking into your eyes

Oh, won’t you walk through?
And bust in the door and take me away?
Oh, no more mistakes
‘Cause in your eyes I’d like to stay, stay

I want to see you

September 21, 2009 in Love's Lair, On The Easel | No comments

It is simply…I want to see you.

I strolled the shopping complex hoping that I will see you…impossible, as crazy as it may sound…and of course I didn’t see you. I keep on walking looking for places that you might go…places that you might like…but what I can think of is all my own favorite spot. I know where would you go if you are there but…I know you weren’t there.

Why should I think of you when I know you don’t even remember my name? Why would your face always appears in my thought when I don’t even know who you are? My wish is to see you. I want to hear your voice. To see your smile. To be in your presence. Even if you don’t realize that I’m there looking at you.

-Diary of a Stalker

Seriously…I miss you….urm…NOT like crazy…hehe…only like normal people.

Please don’t change anything!!!

September 12, 2009 in Friendship, Love's Lair, On The Easel | No comments

Even if you know anything new…or suspect something new in the development…please…please…please…don’t change what ever already there. I’m tired of adapting to new things. Please let it be. Please don’t change.Please just pretend that you know nothing. Please just be who you were and who we were. Please!!!

But in the end, I can only ask…you’re the only one that can decide. Sorry for being a FOOL……..

I Miss You Like Crazy….urmmmm again….

September 6, 2009 in Listen, Love's Lair | No comments

This song I dedicated for the delusional geeks out there….

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I Miss You Like Crazy

by Natalie Cole

Even though its been so long
My love for you keeps going strong
I remember the things that we used to do
A kiss in the rain Til the sun shined through
I’d try to deny it
But Im still in love with you

I miss you like crazy
I miss you like crazy,
Ever since you went away
Every hour of every day

I miss you like crazy
I miss you like crazy
No matter what I say or do
Theres just no getting over you

I can see the love shining in your eyes
And it comes as such a sweet surprise
If seeings believing its worth the wait
So hold me and tell me its not too late
Were so good together
Were starting forever now

And I miss you like crazy
I miss you like crazy,
Ever since you went away
Every hour of every day

I miss you like crazy
I miss you baby
A love like ours will never end
Just touch me and were there again

[Musical interlude]

Just one night and well have that magic feeling like we used to do
Hold on tight and whatever comes our way were gonna make it through

If seeings believing its worth the wait
So hold me and tell me its not too late
Were so good together
Were starting forever now

And I miss you like crazy
I miss you like crazy
No matter what I say or do
Theres just no getting over you

And I miss you (baby)
I miss you (baby)
All the tender love you gave me
When a feeling gets this strong
You know the real thing come along

And I miss you
I miss you like crazy baby
Only youre sweet love Can save me
I miss you like crazy
A love like ours will never end
Just touch me and were there again
Miss you like crazy
I miss you like crazy

I used to call you the love…the love that I never had

September 5, 2009 in Listen, Love's Lair | No comments

“I used to call you my girl
I used to call you my friend
I used to call you the love
The love that I never had”

Love…what if…what if love dedicated this song to Love…or just imagine love will dedicate this song to Love one day…would Love “see how I feel….see that my pain so real”?

Urmmmm….or maybe love don’t think so….don’t Love think we are weird?

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Miss You Like Crazy

by The Moffatts

I used to call you my girl
I used to call you my friend
I used to call you the love
The love that I never had

When I think of you
I don’t know what to do
When will I see you again

[Chorus:]
I miss you like crazy
Even More than words can say
I miss you like crazy
Every minute of every day
Girl I’m so down when your love’s not around
I miss you, miss you, miss you
I miss you like crazy

You are all that I want
You are all that I need
Can’t you see how I feel
Can’t you see that my pain’s so real

When I think of you
I don’t know what to do
When will I see you again

[Chorus]

We might be wishing on the same bright star

September 3, 2009 in Listen, Love's Lair | No comments

“And even though I know how very far apart we are
It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star”

Is there someone like that for me? Or more appropriate question….will there be someone like that for me?

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Somewhere Out There

written by James Horner, Barry Mann, Cynthia Weil

by Linda Ronstadt & James Ingram

Somewhere out there beneath the pale moonlight
Someone’s thinking of me and loving me tonight

Somewhere out there someone’s saying a prayer
That we’ll find one another in that big somewhere out there

And even though I know how very far apart we are
It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star

And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby
It helps to think we’re sleeping underneath the same big sky

Somewhere out there if love can see us through
Then we’ll be together somewhere out there
Out where dreams come true

And even though I know how very far apart we are
It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star

And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby
It helps to think we’re sleeping underneath the same big sky

Somewhere out there if love can see us through
Then we’ll be together somewhere out there
Out where dreams come true

Yesterday…

September 1, 2009 in Friendship, Hateful Feelings, Love's Lair, Opus | No comments

“Yesterday,
All my troubles seemed so far away,
Now it looks as though they’re here to stay,
Oh, I believe in yesterday.”

I will long for yesterday…a day that I wish I always have. Now it has come to pass. Now I am living in today. A day that I am totally down.

Yesterday I was genuinely happy…today I am totally down.

Today I am going to return to Kuching. I don’t hate Kuching just I hate the feeling of leaving  a place that I had so much happiness.

Today I lose a battle. But never I lose the war. I will still keep on fighting.

Right now I dont really care. What ever happen to myself. I have felt such happiness yesterday…I am really down today. I felt them all.

Maybe I must let go. Then will I find peace. God has plan for me. A plan that I don’t know. Why do God keep it secret from me. I wonder why.

Maybe my hope and prayer too much influence by what happen yesterday. A day of delusion. A day that I believe something that’s not true. A day that too much lies I supply to myself.

And today…I am overwhelmed by the downturn. Overwhelmed by a believe that I created my own. A believe that never was a truth. A believe that I only wish it is true. In other words…delusion.

I feel sleepy. All my body feel weak. I want to sleep and awaken again reborn as someone who have new hope. Hope from God. True hope. Not a vain hope. A hope that will bring me pure happiness. Not a delusional one. Now I close my eyes and pray….May God Blesses us all….Amen.

I wish this will never end…

September 1, 2009 in Friendship, Hateful Feelings, Love's Lair | No comments

I was genuinely happy tonight…Maybe it was just one sided but as always…it is always about me…I was genuinely happy. You might not realise it but I was happy. I wish that addictive happiness will never end. I want to press the “pause” button and linger in the ecstacy of happiness. For you (or for everybody else) that moment was just something ordinary…but for me… it was a moment that I wish I always have. Although I know I am just in my own imagination, delusion, and impression. I know it was always only me. But tonight I was really happy. A happiness that I haven’t had for a long time. I wish it will never end.

Thinking about it…I am sad. I am delusional. Hoping for something beyond my reach. I guess its ok. Because at least during my lifetime I ever felt happy. I have always in this delusion. Obsessed over something that I know wont be anything within my grasp. Countless time have I in this situation. I never learn. I always fall everytime. I guess I just addicted to that feeling. The happiness. Or more accurately temporary happiness.

My heart leapt when you accepted my invitation. I always and always will be ready to accept rejection but you didn’t. You simply say “yes”. I know I just make a fool of myself. I always ready to be rejected.What type of person am I. Obsessed I guess.

I wish it will stay like that for a long long long long… time… I will not want change that. What ever happens. I wish it will stay like what it is right now. But I know it will not. I am not ready but…I am nobody to change that.

You are like a mirror to me…someone that knows me more that I do. Someone that really similar to me yet so different. You’re so similar to me to a point that spooks me.To a point that I am asking myself  “Am I talking to myself?”

I wish nothing will change. I wish I can have what I had tonight. I wish I can feel that happiness again. Although just in my delusion.

Although sometimes I don’t want to see you because the more I see you…the more delusional I will be…but I can’t help…when I say I miss you…I really meant it…ah…damn it…I wish a coconut will fall on me and I forget everything…and all the happy feeling I felt just left unknown deep inside me without knowing where the source is.

but…be careful what you wish for…cause you might just get it all…

Love Story

June 8, 2009 in Love's Lair, Watch | 1 comment

I was looking for people doing cover for Taylor Swift’s Love Story and found this…

Love Story (Taylor Swift meets Vida la vida.

LOVE STORY (Taylor Swift) meets VIVA LA VIDA (Coldplay) – Piano Cello – by Jon Schmidt

It is BEAUTIFUL

and this

Cover by The Right Coast

The Right Coast – Love Story (COVER)

and they are superb….

Yay best …best….mok molah kedak ya juak…

The only thing she gave you was a broken heart and the emptiness you feel inside

June 1, 2009 in Listen, Love's Lair | No comments

Imagine someone sing this song for me…and imagine what does it feel to listen to it…so many other things to do, why on earth do I want to imagine such a painful feeling…stupid. Happiness is a choice. Sun always shining whether its night, day, rain, or sunny. The different is that either we see it or not.

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Sunshine After Rain

by Natasha Thomas

She never really loved you
It was right from the start
The only thing she gave you
Was a broken heart
And the emptiness you feel inside

So come take my hand
You know the time has come for you to face
The truth
And I will pull you through
Washing away all your tears
And you’ll start again
Throw away all your fears all your fears

[Chorus:]
After the rain, all the birds wanna fly
And when the wind breezes a sigh
And after the rain when you touch one again
Losing your pain
Sunshine after rain

After the rain it is peaceful and warm
Sunshine comes after the storm
And after the rain when you touch one again
Losing your pain
Sunshine after rain

Gotta keep your head up
Gotta stay and be strong
And by now you should know
She never ever loved you
You’re love never grow never grow

[Chorus]

And though you don’t know just what magic
A raindrop contains uh a raindrop contains
But I know that everything is
Wonderful after rain
Uh after the rain

[Chorus]

Gotta keep your head up
Gotta stay and be strong
And I will pull you through
Wash away all your tears
And you start again after the rain

Someone who can give lots of love

February 18, 2009 in KTDTHB, Love's Lair, Wisdom | 8 comments

1-cekal-science-class-mini

One month

It was exactly one month of  a precious experience. I learned the love that I never know once. Now I know what kind of love do teachers have to their dear students or at least a hint of it.

Types of Teachers

As we know there are lots of types of teachers. Some just like to angry for some petty things. Some loves to shout. Some prefer reverse psycology approach. Some slow talks. Some takes popular approach. Some sacrifice their popularity to discipline the students.

Above all, I think that teacher that love their students will be loved by the students. If and only if the teacher has a hint of hatred towards the students, what ever the students do will not satisfies the teacher. Some teacher selfishly believe that students are things to be changed by hook or by crook according to that teacher’s standard. Students are “things” not human. Although I admit some group of students act more like mindless “creature” than human.

Read the rest of this entry »

I’ll become a flowerpot that sits on your small windowsill…

January 30, 2009 in Listen, Love's Lair | No comments

(Disclaimer : All translation and mp3 in this post I din’t get myself but courtesy of JAZZHOLIC)

Okay okay… I admit…I am a lonely person…I always imagine pitifully that I have my own love stories like in drama and what not…I love watching korean love drama and my latest obsession was Korean Variety Show “We Got Married”. So, I found the lyric of this song is so sweet. I would like to share. I wish that one day I can write my own love song and sing it to the one I love….I sound so…uhu… :’(

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Flowerpot

by Alex

Verse

Meol li seo meol li seo meol li seo
geu dae ga o ne yo
I ddeol li neun ma eumeul eo ddeoh ke
malae ya ha na yo
Keu daen
Cheo eum bu teo na ui ma eumeul bbae eod go
Na eul su eobd neun byeong eul nae ge ju eodd jyo
Hwa buni doel lae yo
Na neun neul ki do ha jyo

Chorus

Nan geu dae jageun chang ga e
Hwa buni doel gge yo
A mu mal modhae do pa lal su eobseo do
Ka ggeum keu dae ui mi so wa son gileul padeu myeo
Jam deun keu dae eol gul han eobshi bul su idd gedd jyo

Verse

Meol li do meol li do meol li do
Keu dae ga ga ne yo
Ddeoleo ji neun nun muleul eo ddeoh ke
Dal lae ya ha na yo
Keu daen
Cheo eum bu teo na ui ma eumeul ka jyeodd go
Na eul su eobd neun byeong eulalh ge han geo jyo
Hwa buni doe go peun na neun neul ki do ha jyo

Chorus

Nan geu dae jageun chang ga e
Hwa buni doel gge yo
A mu mal modhae do ba lal su eobseo do
Ka ggeum geu dae ui mi so wa son gileul padeu myeo
Jam deun geu dae ui eol gul han eobshi bul su idd gedd jyo

Chorus

Nan geu dae jageun chang ga e
Hwa buni doel gge yo
A mu mal modhae do pa lal su eobseo do
Ka ggeum keu dae ui mi so wa son gileul badeu myeo
Jam deun geu dae eol gul han eobshi ba la bol te jyo

Chorus

Nan geu dae jageun chang ga e
Hwa buni doel gge yo
A mu mal modhae do pa lal su eobseo do
Ka ggeum keu dae ui mi so wa son gileul badeu myeo
Jam deun geu dae eol gul han eobshi ba la bol te jyo

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When I call her name…

October 24, 2008 in Love's Lair, MRSM | No comments

It’s Friday morning. I “relatively” woke late today. I tried to do something different today. I had my breakfast which I never had for a long time. I had fried rice eggs and sausage. Erm as usual I eat alone.

So I think and think (and think) what should I blog about today. Out of nowhere I start reminiscing about the past. I was someone that sick occasionally. At least I will get sick once  a year. I mean for whatever reason.

There were specifically twice I had the most “memorable” sickness. Those are the two worst that I ever had. Here is the second one.

This was during Form 5.

I was living as normal as anybody could ever live. I eat on time. I did breakfast. I slept like any student would have. I went to classes. I do sport sometimes. I do everything a nerd boy would ever do. However, I could not possibly imagine how I got my gastric problem.

I never know what it felt to have a gastric problem so when I felt stomach ache I just assume that it’s nothing. So I just let it persist for a very long time before it become unbearably painful. For a month I suffer so much painful. Every hour for a month I suffer the sharp feeling of well known Gastric pain.

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Looking for that something?

July 7, 2008 in KTDTHB, Listen, Love's Lair, Wisdom | 5 comments

When I was in Kolej (KTDTHB), this song was really popular. It was like on everybody’s lips. The rhythm was just everywhere to find. However I myself have not really read the lyric or the words in the song. One of the reason was because my english wasn’t really good.

Recently I double clicked the mp3 in my laptop and listen to the song. Then, suddenly it touches me. I understood the meaning. I understood what the song try to convey to me as listener. Moreover I am eager to find something meaningful for me on the meantime. Every words seem so meaningful suddenly.

I am looking for that something. How about you?

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Everybody’s looking for that something
One thing that makes it all complete
You’ll find it in the strangest places
Places you never knew it could be

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July 9

June 28, 2008 in Listen, Love's Lair | 4 comments

The air was thick and cold that night but just nice not freezing. Just like every night. Most of peoples were already sleeping, it was late. However, I was still outside under the shelter of the moon and the stars. It was not my average night, it was something meaningful for me.

She dressed under her night gown. Simply pleasant to the eyes. Her face was fair and ornamented with little smiles every now and then.

My chest was racing, I wanted to tell her something that I’ve been keeping to myself alone for a long time. I knew after those words were uttered, we won’t be able to talk like this again. I have expected everything before they happen. But regret isn’t a fond brother to me.

Why is it so hard to say something so short and simple. I always asked myself. I always laugh hard watching characters in drama, anime or movies try to utter those simple words. In the real world it is pretty much the same, not really.

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