Easel

Battle for this city has lost. Now I need to leave. I will be in exile in a long time. How many cities do I need to lose in my life time. I don’t have much cities to defend left. I don’t like to imagine all I have left taken by the enemies troops. In the end I will be a forgotten king in a piece of land I once founded. But let the time decide what should I do when the time come. But for now, I need to leave. Leaving all the belongings behind. I wish one day I would come back and claim the lands I once lost.

As I expected, the day like today is imminent. I am fighting a losing battle. Like I always do, again today, I will need to let go again. Like Shakespeare said, “Love someone let her go”. Subconsciously, I always did that.

I never been so attached to someone so close (since school). Just enough to know what’s her favorite color, what she can drink and what can’t, what she likes to do, what she loves to do, what she hates, her childhood stories, her clothes, her shoes, her fear, and all other things those I can’t possibly remember consciously.

And today, I vowed, all those things I will put behind and let go. I have done this countless time before. I should have no problem doing this again.

As for today, things have already get complicated enough (at least for me in my heart alone). Never have I planned to get this involved in her. For I never wanted her to be more than just a (good) friend. But if only I can live with rational alone.

Looking at the bright side, throughout these “letting go” series, I have at least learn a lot of what should I do and what not to do. ‘Coz when people get excited, they prone to mistakes and so do I.

I deleted my facebook account, and….after (excruciating) 2 weeks it will gone for good.

I have seen through her and I realized, this is never about me. I don’t know how long would it takes to make me worthy of her Love (practically never). After all I am a practical person. Impossible means impossible. There’s no fuzzy logic involved here. Just simple binary operation where the answer is either “TRUE” or “FALSE”, “YES” or “NO”.

Again, looking at the bright side, at least she taught me to be happy again.

Thanks and Happy Birthday!!!. and……bye…..I’m leaving for your “imaginary Ulu Baram”.

Doubt thou the stars are fire;
Doubt that the sun doth move;
Doubt truth to be a liar;
But never doubt I love.

Hamlet, Act II, scene ii

To be, or not to be, — that is the question: —

Hamlet, Act III, scene i

I can’t continue guessing
Because it’s only messing
With my pride, and my mind
So write down this time to time

“Don’t love me for fun, girl
Let me be the one, girl
Love Me For a Reason
Let the reason be love“