Easel

Thinking of You

by Katy Perry

Comparisons are easily done
Once you’ve had a taste of perfection
Like an apple hanging from a tree
I picked the ripest one, I still got the seed

You said move on, where do I go?
I guess second best is all I will know

‘Cause when I’m with him I am thinking of you
(Thinking of you, thinking of you)
Thinking of you, what you would do
If you were the one who was spending the night
(Spending the night, spending the night)
Oh, I wish that I was looking into your eyes

You’re like an Indian summer in the middle of winter
Like a hard candy with a surprise center
How do I get better once I’ve had the best?
You said there’s tons of fish in the water, so the waters I will test

He kissed my lips, I taste your mouth, oh!
(Taste your mouth)
He pulled me in, I was disgusted with myself

‘Cause when I’m with him I am thinking of you
(Thinking of you, thinking of you)
Thinking of you, what you would do
If you were the one who was spending the night
(Spending the night, spending the night)
Oh, I wish that I was looking into

You’re the best, and yes, I do regret
How I could let myself let you go
Now, now the lesson’s learned
I touched it, I was burned
Oh, I think you should know!

‘Cause when I’m with him I am thinking of you
(Thinking of you, thinking of you)
Thinking of you, what you would do
If you were the one who was spending the night
(Spending the night, spending the night)
Oh, I wish that I was looking into your, your eyes
Looking into your eyes, looking into your eyes

Oh, won’t you walk through?
And bust in the door and take me away?
Oh, no more mistakes
‘Cause in your eyes I’d like to stay, stay

It is simply…I want to see you.

I strolled the shopping complex hoping that I will see you…impossible, as crazy as it may sound…and of course I didn’t see you. I keep on walking looking for places that you might go…places that you might like…but what I can think of is all my own favorite spot. I know where would you go if you are there but…I know you weren’t there.

Why should I think of you when I know you don’t even remember my name? Why would your face always appears in my thought when I don’t even know who you are? My wish is to see you. I want to hear your voice. To see your smile. To be in your presence. Even if you don’t realize that I’m there looking at you.

-Diary of a Stalker

Seriously…I miss you….urm…NOT like crazy…hehe…only like normal people.

It was two years ago…I wrote this…

I am a living ghost

by Elvinado

I am a living ghost.
Wander aimlessly
People can see me
But it’s just blurry
How would I know?
How would I guess?
What is the best
I can live at rest

Again
My faith to the test
Stripped in the sea of man
Snatch my sanity away
Lying helpless homeless endless
I come like the rain
I leave like the wind
Naturally.
Terribly afflicted distress and disturbed.

-September 13, 2007

Two years later…nothing change…I am still a ghost. “I come like the rain, I leave like the wind“. When I sent an SMS to a friend telling that I am a ghost earlier this afternoon, I reminded of the poem I wrote above.

It was something sounds like this,

“He only need to love, He doesn’t need to be loved,
He only can be found alive in SMSes and Yahoo! Messengers,
The only things he hope is nobody hate him,

He is only a ghost, he must not have any feelings,
‘Coz when he start to have feelings he will become villain,
It’s better that he choose to be a good person,

He hates himself, thus he hates discussing about him,
So he rather become nothing, to become inexistent.”

But I am a ghost that very much exist. I can’t claim my inexistent. What I only want is I won’t be a burden to another person, I won’t be a problem, I won’t be a encumbrance, won’t be a liability. I don’t want my existent to be any.

I will be waiting for another September, what will next September brings.

Even if you know anything new…or suspect something new in the development…please…please…please…don’t change what ever already there. I’m tired of adapting to new things. Please let it be. Please don’t change.Please just pretend that you know nothing. Please just be who you were and who we were. Please!!!

But in the end, I can only ask…you’re the only one that can decide. Sorry for being a FOOL……..

Little details in our life…might change a lot of what will happen in the future. So the question is…will I be able to bear all the changes?

I am destine to be alone I know that but…every new place I went I will meet new friends. Some friendship will lasts some will only vanishes into the thin air. Some will grow stronger yet some will break into pieces. I am by no definition ‘a good friend’ but at least I know how to be a friend at least.

I met many peoples. I met people and become so close friend only for few hours. I met people and become friend for years to come. Some I don’t even know their names. Some I only know their face. There are so many types of friends I be friend of. But most of all, friends that I thought, know, hope, and pray that they are my best friends.

These people that I thought, know, hope, and pray to be my best friends are people that always break my heart. Because…well…I thought, know, hope and pray should be my best friends. But…as always…my love is meant to be ONE SIDED.

People say “You are thinking too much…!!!”. Maybe true. My idle mind is a devil’s workshop. My mind become idle and I start thinking of all these unnecessary stuff.

Why can’t I love without hoping to get that love back? Unconditional love? Why can’t I love like Jesus do? I can am I? Just that I decided not to.

I should let go…let go of all things that I thought important…friends, money, car, house, food, friends again, love, dreams, car again, and all the worldly things. I must…I MUST. Until I can let go all these, I won’t find what I want. Which is the favor of God.

Starting from now a lot of things will change. Let go of my friends in here and now and accepting new friends. Friends that once close become further far apart. Some will need to leave me. Some I need to leave them. Some will want to leave me. Some must and should leave me. Everything will change. Everything will go back to square one. I will need, must, should take this path alone…as I was and always will be.

I shall “seek first His Kingdom and His Righteousness”.

I rest my case.

People wonders why I did this and why I did that? Why I didn’t do this and why I didn’t do that? Even I myself sometimes wonder why.

But when I think back, all these 23 years, I have been living an unplanned life. I don’t really planned what will happen in the future. I believe that God always have a greater plan for me and I never really do have my own plan. That is my faith. I always wait for God’s plan. I don’t really care that I will live for another day or not. What I know that I will ever serve God for another day. That WAS who I am.

When the world start to take over, God starts to seem so far away. I start fighting the “flow”. The “flow” that I always follow all the way until now. I start to make my own plan instead of just complete in faith in God. I stop praying. I stop believing. I start becoming more rebellious. But…in the end they are all in vain.

Too much planning for the future…too much regretting of the past…too much chasing for this and that in the present. That is what everybody doing and what I am doing. Why can’t we just be thankful of what we had in the past, we have in the present and what will we have in the future. No qualms and complaints.

25“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?
26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?
27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

<Matthew 6:25-27>

If I could ever have that faith….I pray…

There was a saying I heard from a friend of mine.

“To know you’re important or not, try remove yourself from that circle and see, do they ever realise your inexistence or they just plain don’t give a damn?”

Sometime we just felt that we are important to others, maybe the feeling of being appreciated is good. But the truth is, people around us don’t give a damn of our existence. My life is mine your life is yours.

When someone said they want to see us. Do they really mean it or just saying it to make it sound good?

Sometime I just don’t give a damn, ‘coz none give a damn about me. Who cares? Who would cares? Who want to?

Actually its hurt to care but not to be cared, to understand but not to be understood, to love and not to be loved….

But Dear God make me someone out of ordinary to live through this hurt and pain….happily.

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury,pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. Amen
-St Francis of Assisi

This song I dedicated for the delusional geeks out there….

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I Miss You Like Crazy

by Natalie Cole

Even though its been so long
My love for you keeps going strong
I remember the things that we used to do
A kiss in the rain Til the sun shined through
I’d try to deny it
But Im still in love with you

I miss you like crazy
I miss you like crazy,
Ever since you went away
Every hour of every day

I miss you like crazy
I miss you like crazy
No matter what I say or do
Theres just no getting over you

I can see the love shining in your eyes
And it comes as such a sweet surprise
If seeings believing its worth the wait
So hold me and tell me its not too late
Were so good together
Were starting forever now

And I miss you like crazy
I miss you like crazy,
Ever since you went away
Every hour of every day

I miss you like crazy
I miss you baby
A love like ours will never end
Just touch me and were there again

[Musical interlude]

Just one night and well have that magic feeling like we used to do
Hold on tight and whatever comes our way were gonna make it through

If seeings believing its worth the wait
So hold me and tell me its not too late
Were so good together
Were starting forever now

And I miss you like crazy
I miss you like crazy
No matter what I say or do
Theres just no getting over you

And I miss you (baby)
I miss you (baby)
All the tender love you gave me
When a feeling gets this strong
You know the real thing come along

And I miss you
I miss you like crazy baby
Only youre sweet love Can save me
I miss you like crazy
A love like ours will never end
Just touch me and were there again
Miss you like crazy
I miss you like crazy

“I used to call you my girl
I used to call you my friend
I used to call you the love
The love that I never had”

Love…what if…what if love dedicated this song to Love…or just imagine love will dedicate this song to Love one day…would Love “see how I feel….see that my pain so real”?

Urmmmm….or maybe love don’t think so….don’t Love think we are weird?

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Miss You Like Crazy

by The Moffatts

I used to call you my girl
I used to call you my friend
I used to call you the love
The love that I never had

When I think of you
I don’t know what to do
When will I see you again

[Chorus:]
I miss you like crazy
Even More than words can say
I miss you like crazy
Every minute of every day
Girl I’m so down when your love’s not around
I miss you, miss you, miss you
I miss you like crazy

You are all that I want
You are all that I need
Can’t you see how I feel
Can’t you see that my pain’s so real

When I think of you
I don’t know what to do
When will I see you again

[Chorus]

“And even though I know how very far apart we are
It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star”

Is there someone like that for me? Or more appropriate question….will there be someone like that for me?

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Somewhere Out There

written by James Horner, Barry Mann, Cynthia Weil

by Linda Ronstadt & James Ingram

Somewhere out there beneath the pale moonlight
Someone’s thinking of me and loving me tonight

Somewhere out there someone’s saying a prayer
That we’ll find one another in that big somewhere out there

And even though I know how very far apart we are
It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star

And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby
It helps to think we’re sleeping underneath the same big sky

Somewhere out there if love can see us through
Then we’ll be together somewhere out there
Out where dreams come true

And even though I know how very far apart we are
It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star

And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby
It helps to think we’re sleeping underneath the same big sky

Somewhere out there if love can see us through
Then we’ll be together somewhere out there
Out where dreams come true