Easel

Ops I “asked” this tag from Patt…means that I was not actually tag…huhu.

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1. What’s your ambition?

I want to be a person of art…anything to do with art…poet, painter, photographer, illustrator, creative writer whatever not related too much to science directly. However the art approach would be through science….

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2. Who is more important to you? Girlfriends or friends? Who is important to you?

I myself and only me…(second after God)

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3. How often do you think of committing suicide?

Twice a day…when I wake up and when I want to sleep.

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4. Do you think you have enough confidence?

Fluctuate so much. Sometimes I have too much sometimes I have none.

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5. How many babies you want?

Huh? I want as many as possible…

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6. Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after the rain?

Huh? “believe in”? What does it mean by believe in? Rainbow can be explain by science so I don’t need to believe in. However I seldom see rainbow after the rain because usually I will be indoor to avoid the rain.

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7. What is your goal for this year?

This year have 2 months left. I just want to laugh, smile, be happy sincerely not in pretence. I would work hard for them this 2 months.

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8. Do you believe in eternity love?

Not sure…I believe in one love though.

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9. What’s a perfect girlfriend/boyfriend like to u? (List 10)

Human, a girl, not a small children, not an old lady either, not someone’s else, can bear my honesty, honest, accepting, not necessarily giving, simple.

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10. What are you really afraid of?

Uncertainty

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11.What is your bad habits?

I love to imagine the unimaginable and dream about things that I know I would never have.

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12. Is there anything you wanna tell the people who hates you?

Forgive me…

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13. Do you cherish every single friendship of yours?

Friends are harder than enemies to find. Until I lost a friend I will never know the value of a friendship.But now I know so every single one even a mere passer by I will cherish them all.

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14. What does flying means to you?

I start to imagine sneaking out of the hostel at night. I was a forbidden things to do when we were in school.

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15. What do you crave for the most currently?

A friend to have lunch with me.

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16. Most unexpected gift you received so far and when?

Don’t remember any.

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17. Describe the person who tagged you in 5 words:

Girl, pretty, blogger, hu?, friend.(“hu” does not bring any meaning)

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18. What have you done to yourself make yourself happy?

Watch anime for hours until I forget everything about the world.

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19. What will you become in another 10 years to come?

Ops…its so blurry…I can’t see anything…I guess I will change so much that if I see myself at that time I won’t recognise myself.

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20. What have you achieved in life lately to make it better?

Erm…what have I achieve lately? I have not.

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Instructions: Remove 1 question form above and add in your personal question.

Make a total of 20 questions and tag 8 people. List them out at the end of the post.

I will Tag these 8 peoples

1. ::Jing-leBell’s Stories::. ~ Storyful Jing-leBell
2. .gumpy.as.it.is. ~ It’s EeXaa
3. Treasure every single moment..eh? ~ Treasured Fila
4. Lachen Mit Mir… ~ erm what that @Serena_C?
5. !x0r@ ~ !x0r@
6. Callister’s Little World ~ Callister
7. Dizzy Wheezy ~ Dizzy VeeVee
8. Saffawati.Com ~ Possible Saff

Erm I publish this first later I will inform those 8…

“The strong shall live and the weak shall die. That’s the natural order of things. I can’t understand why you have to help the weak, weak people are irrelevant. Shishio made me realize that the strong should live. He taught me to kill the weak and be aware of the strong people. Shishio gave me a sword, and if not for that sword I wouldn’t be alive today. He also made me realize that I don’t have a choice. If I don’t kill them, they’ll kill me. But the truth is, I never really wanted to kill anybody” – Soujiro Seta

This quotes is taken from anime series Rurouni Kenshin (or Kenshin the Wanderer). Soujiro is basically a young sword genius raised by a skewed master, Shishio which was a manslayer. In comparison, the protoganist, the former manslayer, Kenshin was a sword genius which raised by a master who embrace Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu, a sword style that protects people rather than just to kill.

One person was raised by a just person on the other hand by a demon. Soujiro couldn’t discern the meaning of protect because he has been “brain-washed” by the “Strong shall live and weak shall die” instilled deeply into him by his master. He reduced from become a human. He became like a heartless animal with no good judgement and heart.

In contrast, Kenshin which was a pacifist vowed to never kill anymore for what ever reason. Vowed to use his sword only to protect. His sword was a special sword with reverse blade. Means that the sword won’t cut unless he reverse it.

After winning the battle with Shishio’s group Kenshin said

“Shishio’s logic dictates that the winner of a battle, in other words, the strong, is always correct, that it does. If the truth could be discovered by winning one or two battles, then we’d all go through life without ever being wrong. A person’s life isn’t so simple a matter, that it isn’t. The true answer is something you find out yourself by how you live your life from this day forward, that it is”.

There are extreme different in both two quotes. Judge them yourself. Just to “wash my hand”, I never meant that Soujiro is wrong nor Kenshin is right, the choice for the reader to decide.

Now what am I trying to imply?

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Last week I change my header. So this post is only valid for the current header. If in the future the header change then it really does not matter anymore.

The photo is candle on my desk. On the right is my laptop. Also some papers on my table. I altered the color a bit but nothing much. Just simple crop.

It was a lone candle glowing on one silent night. I turn off the fan and it was really silent. It was morning after the midnight. Everybody was sleeping.The night was hot, the air was not flowing at all.

So what I did was I started kneeling and pray. I just pray so that the light in my heart keep glowing. Even when the glimmer is fading fast.

Eventually the candle will finish off. The faint glimmer will be lost. But until then let me keep holding on with the remaining light. I hope so I pray so. If I failed before the the new candle arrive…I don’t know what will happen to me. I hope it will not.

So I bought a lot of candles so that I won’t run out of it. I even gave some to my friends…

A lab friend of mine gave me this song to listen…I search the lyric in the net and read it line by line. I never thought that there is a song that really talks my thoughts…now I don’t need to write my own song.

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Sepi
By Yuni Shara

Categories

Meet at Plurk

Real Life Friends

Simply Everyone

View them at the Blogroll and Link below the title and header…above

I will think of new kind of Categorizing my Blogroll but for now this is what I came out with.

I will always read your feed…as long as I don’t lost the link…and as long as the feed is working.

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It’s Friday morning. I “relatively” woke late today. I tried to do something different today. I had my breakfast which I never had for a long time. I had fried rice eggs and sausage. Erm as usual I eat alone.

So I think and think (and think) what should I blog about today. Out of nowhere I start reminiscing about the past. I was someone that sick occasionally. At least I will get sick once  a year. I mean for whatever reason.

There were specifically twice I had the most “memorable” sickness. Those are the two worst that I ever had. Here is the second one.

This was during Form 5.

I was living as normal as anybody could ever live. I eat on time. I did breakfast. I slept like any student would have. I went to classes. I do sport sometimes. I do everything a nerd boy would ever do. However, I could not possibly imagine how I got my gastric problem.

I never know what it felt to have a gastric problem so when I felt stomach ache I just assume that it’s nothing. So I just let it persist for a very long time before it become unbearably painful. For a month I suffer so much painful. Every hour for a month I suffer the sharp feeling of well known Gastric pain.

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Yes I am… I am no better. (Sorry for some masochistic post lately.)

No wonder I am left alone…because I am too honest. I virtually never lied especially about what I felt. I lied occasionally to my parent saying that I am okay when I didn’t even near okay. I say what ever I think is right even though I myself is no better or might be even worse. Am I ashamed of myself, yes, but that’s just who I am.

I raised up always feeling suicidal. I never thankful about anything (except food…maybe that’s why I am so thin). I complaints about everything my five senses caught. My five senses caught mostly about myself and I grown to be self hating and loathing.

I was someone who always been manipulated because I was too naive to think that people manipulating me. Then now I myself become a good hidden manipulator. But I hate myself for it.

If I am to be asked who do I hate or my worst enemy…I can’t think of any other person besides the very person I saw in the mirror everyday. Ironically I really love my own name but not the owner of the name.

I am self inflicting. I am proud of something I don’t have. I ashamed of things that I have. I love things that I hate. I hate things that I love. I force myself to go against myself.

Despite all that,

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I know I look really skinny

So…you might heard the above phrase. “Our name is our virtue” yes it is in Jazon Mraz’s song “I’m Yours”. For me aside from the phrase “I’m Yours” which repeatedly sung in the chorus, it is this “Our name …” phrase that caught my attention. I don’t actually understand the whole song but this part just stick in my mind quite easily because it bears some meaning for me.

So just to recall everything…I started blogging seriously (which is a relative term) about a year and a half ago. It was my on my very birthday (Check it here). I initially not using wordpress.com but Blogger or blogspot.com (here). I was clearly damn lonely (and always is) at that time hence “Unnnoticed Neglected Overlooked” was the name of the blog. Then later it became “Days Without Miracle” or “DWM”. Both blogs names are very negative and sad because they do reflect me. Out of the picture there were few blogs attempt before that. I own domain “mousukoshi.com” which does not exist anymore. I miserably left it unpaid and unupdated for some reasons.

There is one similarity between all three of my blogs that prevail to this day. The url. All of them contains my real name. First alvinalexander.blogspot.com then alvinalexander.wordpress.com and now alvinalexander.net. Yes I am self obsessed and proud or my own name. It is a beautiful name. Alvin Alexander the most beautiful name and I love it when I listen people saying it.

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Last night I listened to Mix.Fm and this song came up…

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Don’t Let Me Get Me
By Pink

Never win first place, I don’t support the team
I can’t take direction, and my socks are never
clean
Teachers dated me, my parents hated me
I was always in a fight cuz I can’t do nothin’
right

Don’t let me get me
I’m my own worst enemy
Its bad when you annoy yourself
So irritating
Don’t wanna be my friend no more
I wanna be somebody else

If you care just read every lines and read between the lines…they are easy to understand and some of them resemble someone I know…myself…

OLD SKOOL TAG….if you expecting something funny go sumwhere else…

I started this at 1.34PM OCT 20,2008

But b4 that I have 2 secondary school so it is kinda confusing for me…

1) 5 bad habits when you were in your school days

I really have a bad memory give me time to recall first….

• Damn it I don’t have bad habit…
• …
• …
• waking early is not bad habit…
• Okay I eat really really slow that I came first to the dine hall but the last to leave…(Kolej)
• I never do sport…I bath really early in the evening…I have no idea why because I always laugh at if I play…or just a nuisance for those who know how to play (luser)
• I woke so early and all prepared with the uniform and suddenly sleep again and late to school(Kolej)

2) 3 of your favorite subjects.. why?

• I love Math…because 1+1 is 2 not 3 or 0 or 1 or anything else logical simple.
• I love Physics Chemistry Biology and Science…because the same reason as above
• I love History…because totally contradictory of both 2 above
• I also love Art class because I always love art…plus it was something others bad at so I always wanted to be better than others.

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