Worth living for, worth dying for?

Trying, striving, struggling, endeavoring are the words that sometimes really touch our deep consciousness. Have I done enough of those? Do I give my all to harness the best of me? Or I just do things halfway and always give up?

Do I sigh alone in my room and utter some words of self-contempt? Sulking endlessly in silent until a point that I feel suicidal? Have I done enough? Have I got enough? Asking questions that shouldn’t be ask…

It is easier just to follow orders. Live for somebody else and make no decision for myself. Living without reason to live and dying without something to regret for. Just to follow the ebb and tide of time and peoples.

But…it is the best to live for something. To have reason in life. To live in freedom without been bound to anything. But…there are things that are hard to come by. Even when it’s within grasp, sometime I don’t realize it. Reason, that’s what I need. I need mission to continue breathing. I need goal to make my life meaningful.

I am not much of a fighter. I am someone who follow orders. I wish I am stronger. It’s a lot easier for me to help other peoples around me. I can’t stand looking at peoples that seems helpless. I must give tiny bit of my heart. Up to a point when I loose all my heart.

However, I can’t help myself. I failed. Whenever I felt helpless and pathetic I won’t able to stand to hold myself together. Even to my worst condition I still want to help other besides myself. I have no idea why. It’s like I’ve been born for.

Despite all that, I am a person full of pride. Although pride has different definition for different person. It’s my pride that made me and my dignity that mould me.

There must be something in my life. I am looking for it everyday.Yes I sounded like a person in lost, a person without a purpose. I am really is. I want something meaningful. Something special, something that worth living for and worth dying for.

There is a saying, “Be careful what you wish for”, because who knows you might get them all.

This post is also influenced by a movie, “Saving Private Ryan”…yay…